


In Control and completely without it…

by Paradigmenwechsel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-05 08:18:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14613861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: Good old Body swap...Cass had made a mistake and it gives Sam a chance he had never dared to hope for…,while Dean is not informed but the Centre of Attention…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> NOOOOO BEta - NOoooo Native - and more or less patch work. ^^!  
> Just a Little storyless nothing after so much time without any word written.

In Control and completely without it… SPN FF

As Sam woke he felt…, short...  
The Hunter oddly thought, failing to find a more fitting expression for his current body sensation. He wasn’t even awake enough to fully realize the Surrounding just yet.  
All the younger Winchesters was remembering was the Hunt last night.  
It had been one of to many over the last few Weeks and the Hunter had known the moment they had stepped back into the bunker, that he had been pushed over the limits, once again.

At least, so Sam thought, he had slept like a death for the first time in Days, and that was something on the plus side.  
The dark haired grunted, rolling out of his bed to get up now that he was more or less back to the living.  
And again, this time for real, he felt that something was off completely.  
It just didn’t felt right, the way his legs bend over the edge of his bed, the way his naked feed touched the cold floor. It just was odd…  
Sam hesitated as he got up, it was dark in his room like always even though at some times he let his door open, just a gap for the light from the hall to find its way in.  
A habit that was both terrifying and soothing at the same time.  
However he had not done so for this night and he couldn’t really see the hands he was lifting up to look at right now…

It was just his exhaustion, Sam logiced his way out of his thoughts, it was way too early to give in to worries and fear’s, they would get him soon enough anyway.  
The tall Hunter patted for the small lamp on the nightstand next to his bed…

# ***

Dean looked up from his Coffee at the sudden entering.  
“Oh, Hey Cass…your back?!” The Hunters eyes smiled at the long term Companion standing in the door frame.  
“…ah…buddy what’s with the night dress?” The dark blond wondered just a sec after the Angel had stepped into the kitchen. Castiel seemed slightly irritated and confused, always a reason to be alarmed but way more interesting was, at least for Dean, why the Celestial was dressed in black sweatpants and a shirt.  
“Is …this another try Human stuff thing?” Dean questioned, having another spoon of his Cereals not looking away from their ally.  
“Dude I don’t mind you having your…,…” The hunter slightly waved his hand. “…way with the ‘kinks’ of yours but Im pretty sure Sam would not appreciate you going through his stuff, he is a bit bitchy about that.” Dean smiled and again dipped his spoon into the big bole, filled with some colourful dots swimming in milk.  
But he hesitated as he realized that Castiel was still frozen at the spot.

“You ok man?” Dean frowned a bit worried.  
Breakfast with Cass always could be, lets say unusual, they never knew what the Angel had on his mind and done at night and to what kind of conclusion or ideas he had gone but it often shows at this time.  
Sometimes the blue eyed just looked in and stated that he would be off for some time, or that he would be out now, or that he wants to find some clue to things he didn’t really shared with the Winchesters at all…  
More than once the Brothers Morning routine had been broken by that and left the Hunters to sprint behind a leaving Angel to at least get some explanations…

But it didn’t seemed like it this time, so Dean wondered and waited for Cass to tell what he had on his mind, or just to turn and walk off.  
Both he had seen their Friend doing and both Reactions wouldn’t make a difference in the End.

\-------------

So he wasn’t dreaming, Sam thought, gulping down forcefully and leaving Castiels adam’s apple to bob.  
He had not have an illusion as the face in the mirror hadn’t been his.  
If anything, his Brothers look at him made sure of it, that Sam wasn’t Sam anymore.  
Dean never looked at him like this, had never, probably will never.  
There was a different warmth and worry in the dark blonds expressions and somehow it hurt, Sam thought before he could stop and focus back on the situation they had here.

Daen was still staring at him, waiting for an Answer and Sam, for what ever reason, panicked and turned on his heels, hastedly leaving the kitchen.  
Dean only shook his head and wondered, but simply got back to his ‘healthy’ meal before Sam would come in and explain that these delicious Cereals were no fruits just because they were colored. It was something they would never agree equally one…

\-------------

Why he didn’t tell right away Sam couldn’t tell but instead of informing his Brother about a this probably dangerous Situation, he found himself back in his room, the one he had just left a few minutes ago, immediately dialing for Cass.  
It took a moment and felt like forever, Sam was almost ready to believe he wouldn’t be able to reach their Friend as the he heard the voice at the other end.  
It wasn’t Castiels that much was sure.

“Hello Sam.” Came the usual greeting, that had the younger Winchesters heart warmed every time. And even thought the voice was different Sam caught himself smiling at the two words never the less before he concentrated back again.  
“Who are you?” He questioned but less restless and concerned than before.  
“I am Castiel?!” Came the confused answer and Sam was sure right away, that it was the truth.  
Slowly he started to recognize the voice on the other end.  
Which appeared to be his, and it made sense to the Hunter, but only in a Winchesters Life.  
“Do you need to tell me something Cass?” Sam wondered talking in a deep, vibrating tone he was unused to.

There was a small pause as if the Angel was thinking about the offer.  
“I am sorry Sam, it was a mistake. I had made falls calculation at the spell…” Sam couldn’t avoid frowning at his own pleading tone. Damn was he really sounding like that….? The Hunter wondered.

“What happened?” Sam wanted to know, deserved to know at least.  
“I had prepared a Spell from an old Enochian ritual. But it so appears I have some wrong memory about the procedure.” Castiel, still using Sam’s voice sounded confused and surprised about his own mistake but not the slightest bit worried.  
It calmed the Hunter tremendously. It didn’t seem as if they were in for any direct threat.  
“You ok?” Sam questioned on over the phone, in fascination realizing how the Angels voice did vibrate all over the body when being used.  
“I am… different…” Castiel stated in an insecure tone as if unsure about his current state or how to answer it.  
“Are you injured or anything? Do you need help?” Sam went on a bit suspicious.  
“No.” Was the unhesitant, straight answer.  
“There is no obvious or indirect harm on your body, I can reassure you that.” Castiel stated.  
“I can recreate the Procedure and will be able to get us back in place…” The Angel mentioned, already back to his work.  
“I suspect it was your Hair I used instead of the original part of the recipe. I have to apologize for the inconveniences but I can correct that Sam.” Castiel stated again.  
And in Sam’s voice, it did sound believable.  
“You sure you do not need any help? Is it dangerous to get the Ingredients?” Sam was still a bit hesitant to leave his own Body with Cass as the ‘driver’.  
“You’re body is in no harm. I will forever protect it under all circumstances…” Castiel stated and it sounded for sure that there was a bit offence in his tone, one that Sam was using himself from time to time.  
It was adoringly to hear the Angels promise and protective attentions, but it still wasn’t completely reassuring never the less.  
“Will there be any problem to get it all together again, to repeat the Spell?” Sam needed to know.  
“Most of it I can buy here, and the rest is not dangerous to come by.” Castiel was back in thoughts again and Sam smiled at it. He could live with that.  
“Ok. But call if you do need help or if there is a problem ok?” The Winchesters offered and commanded to their Angel but didn’t waited for an answer.  
“How long do you think it will take?” Sam questioned at last.  
“About a few days.”  
“Ok….” Sam sighed.  
“I will take care of your Vessel.” Castiel promised sincerely to once more calm a still worried Sam.  
“Be careful!” Sam nodded before he ended and hang up.

\-------------

What now, Sam wondered. It was a strange situation but also a weird opportunity. The Hunter just wasn’t sure if he should take it.  
Once again he was looking at the gentle fingers that were so different than his usual huge pranks.  
It was so odd to think about the differences but there also was this big curiosity since the first moment Sam had realized the change in sensations he was getting through the surrogate Body he was at right now.  
Sam was thinking about how it must feel for the Angels to take over a Vessel. He had always been on the other end of that possession and it still left Sam with a bitter taste, but this was different. He wasn’t possessing someone and he, for once, was the one in control, occupying, inhabiting someone else but without hurting or threatening the Person.  
This was Castiels body, it was kind of familiar and left by it’s soul Years ago.  
It was just Cass’s who didn’t seem to care at all.  
There was a hidden permission and Sam was struggling between taking it and letting it go until Castiel would have it fixed back again.  
But he felt like showering, he would need to at some point anyway. Sam talked himself into the logic aspect of the current situation. It always made thinks easier and it would be some days, at least…, he thought, already taking of the shirt.

# ***

Over the shower Sam had learned a few things, some of them interesting, some of them quite a bit surprising and some more had shown to be even embarrassing but also very satisfying.  
The dark haired had thought at first if it was him reacting or for real Castiels Body, but over the course he had figured that the differences to his normal likings were big enough to be pretty sure it was the Angels Reactions he was experiencing. It had been a weird revelation how exciting it had been to become some kind of a peeping tom this way.  
Getting to know all the secrets Sam would never get to know otherwise.  
He was wondering if Castiel was ever laying hand on himself, and if, what was the Angel thinking on/about?  
It triggered another ‘distraction’…and took the dark haired another 20min in the men of letters Shower.

# ***

Castiel walked into the library still dressed differently since Sam was lacking a Trench-coat and dark blue suit in his Cloth. The younger Hunter hoped Dean wouldn’t pay to much attention at that, hopefully, maybe.  
Sam had decided to keep the situation to himself for a bit time longer, he wasn’t really sure what for or what to make out of it but there was a hilarious prank somewhere he just needed a bit more time to figure it out and Dean still deserved punishment for his last douch actions that had the younger one ended up with a few more new bruises after his big Brother had left him in the Company of some angry drunken assholes at a bar without money to pay.  
Dean had stepped in at some point, of course, but still the older one had waited way to long to make it a coincidence that night.

Sam lifted the small piece of paper and handed it over to Dean who had once more his legs on the table and was leaning back in one of the chairs. Normally when Sam entered he corrected his seat if he wasn’t angry and wanted to make a standpoint.  
This time though Dean didn’t even shrugged. He only looked up and Sam wanted to frown and comment the older ones behaviour as he watched at the foreign hand that was now his, still holding to the Paper.  
He was Castiel and the Angel probably wouldn’t say anything at all.

Sam deeply inhaled unremarked and with a deadpan face, one he had seen so often on Cass, he handed over the few lines.

“What’s up buddy?” Dean almost cheered at the close attention, deliberately ignoring the Angels strange appearance and clothing.  
The blue eyed was probably in one of his strange phases he showed from time to time finding some interesting perks or mannerisms of Humanity he wanted to try or explore, even though he wasn’t really capable of doing so.  
It would go away Dean thought taking the Note and reading it.

Sam had always seen how far his Brothers patients could last with the Celestial but he had never experienced it that close.  
The dark blonds willing to ignore almost any questionable or unusual habit of their Angel for quite some time had always astonished Sam.  
He always had thought it was out of ignorance or disinterest or simply stupidity, but seeing now how his Brother eyed the Angels vessel, taking in any changes, Sam was sure Dean could read their Friend almost as good as he could tell Sam.  
But for some Reason he was not only willing to give Castiel his space to do all those strange things the Angel was doing, sometimes he was even encouraging the former Heavenly warrior just like a child inciting potential trouble just to see how Cass would manage it.  
Sam was wondering once more what it had been that had brought these two weirdos connected in the first place.

“Damn it!!! He could have said something!!” Dean grumbled about the information while Sam simply stood by and stared just like Cass would have done it.  
“This douchebag is off to some stupid festival bullshit, probably some noir movie trash…”  
The older Hunter complained.  
This time Sam couldn’t hold back the slight frown as he watched Dean pulling out his phone and texting right away.  
Just as expected, Dean was pissed but not enough to make the effort of a call.  
It was nice sometimes to have someone that predictable, Sam thought as he slowly backed off to answer the message he just had received.

\----------------

With Dean being satisfied by Sam’s texted answer, he had laid back. It was the first time to experience his Brother on his own, well with Cass around and it was fascinating.  
Sam felt reminded at all the videos of pets carrying a cam while the owner is out.  
He was in a unique position to explore how his grumpy brother changed almost right away.  
“Cass!!” Dean had yelled at some point as Sam had been out of view for just a mere minute.  
“You in for a drink?!” Dean had went on, not even waiting for Sam to get to the library where his brother was still chilling out.  
There were still some of the Lore books Sam had asked over his message, for Dean to scan in, to digitalise them for the Cloud the younger one had set up.  
Suddenly though it didn’t seem at all that Dean would care about that anymore.  
Instead he waited for Cass to finally reach for the library to simply walk passed Sam in his current Angel appeariance gesturing to the garage.  
“Come on!” Dean simply ordered for Cass to follow.  
“Dean…What about the Books?” Sam had tried, walking behind.  
“Later man!” Dean mentioned and was out of the view already.

# ***

The first night out had been a completely strange experience for Sam.  
He thought he knew his Brother but apparently there were still part completely hidden to the younger Hunter.  
Almost immediately Sam had realist how easy Dean had become around him, or Castiel in that matter.  
The dark blond seemed way more himself. A careless, easygoing Dean, Sam hadn’t seen since their youth.  
It was so foreign to see the older one joking, seeking contact, actual physical contact the awkwardness in his own Behaviour was not played by Sam as he saved all the new faces Dean was showing right now.

As the dark blond got up to get another beer for each of them he once again bumped Castiels shoulder in a cheering gesture.  
It had been years since Dean had done that to Sam and again there was this little sting of jealousy Sam had identified about an hour ago.  
Sam took the last bit of his last beer and watched his Brother flirting with an obviously disinterested Waitress. But even though he was declined, the dark blond didn’t seem to care as he got back offering the new bottles.

“Ok talk to me!” He suddenly addressed Sam in his Angel hideaway.  
“What?” Sam tilted his head and lifted his brows in irritation.  
“Oh come on! The last one I gave you!” Dean demanded in playful tone taking a huge gulp from his drink.  
“…The movie?” He gave Sam a clue.  
“Man, I told you to look it up.” Dean sounded disappointed and childish at the same time and it was… ‘cute’ and ‘sad’ Sam thought completely losing his ground.  
So Dean was still forcing poor Castiel to watch his beloved ‘classic’ movies. Western, Sam could remember. Ever since he had clearly pointed out that he did not liked them at all, Dean had been a bit offended but it had ebbed away at some point, now Sam understood why.  
Obviously Dean had found another one to torture with his needs and hobby’s, and Sam was pretty sure that Cass wasn’t complaining at it at all, but he was also imagine a very one sided conversation about the films afterwards.  
Never the less, the excitement Dean was just showing to hear from Cass about these movies was somehow pitiful, Sam thought.

There wasn’t much place in the Winchesters life to have people getting to know them better. Even with the few hand picked ones the Winchesters were calling friends, there was not that kind of connection to call and talk, to meet for a drink or to watch and talk about stupid stuff like movies, work or others…  
It was a big piece of life the Brothers were missing out on, and obviously Dean was struggling more with it than Sam had ever expected he would.  
But that his Brother would go that far to create something to help him cope with that loss was somehow impressive.  
And with the willingly following Angel Dean might had found an alternative, a surrogate for that missing piece.  
How strange, Sam thought, that of all options, an Angel, foreign to Humanity and Emotions as much as it could be, had become Deans Outside World, his Surrogate for Normality.

“Ok, fine!” Dean seemed to have find back his position after a moment.  
“We look it today and you will like it!” He stated more to himself than anything else.

\-------------

Sam had stayed silent but apparently Dean hadn’t expected or wanted anything else. Sam was wondering if it always was this way when his brother was away with the Angel. It at least made sense for why he didn’t mind to have the blue eyed around when ever possible.  
It was company without any kind of expectations.  
Not like it would be around other Humans were Dean would have to hold up his strong, unbreakable Fighter Image with the sucked in cheeks, the deep lowered brows and the angry, threatening eyes that would scare off at least some of the Attackers and Predators Dean was seeing every where.  
But here sitting next to the Angel, the Hunter was talking, was even asking or just relaxing in silence at the Company.  
And with every minute Sam felt more and more the urge to pull Dean in, to hold him, calm him and keep him safe from all this world that had become nothing more than a war zone for the older one, ever since he had been assigned to be his Siblings protector.  
Sam felt the typical guild he knew from all of his life since he had understand his role in this chain that was holding them together…

\-------------

Dean was chewing the Popcorn but every now and then, just in a reflex, he reached it over to Cass and it didn’t matter if the Angel took a handful or not, Dean did it over and over again anyway, it was adoringly.

And suddenly Sam knew what he wanted to do. It wasn’t Revenge the younger one was seeking anymore. In his current unique situation Sam could do something Dean would never allow him to do other wise.  
The younger Winchester looked over as Dean started chuckling at some point, silently lipsinking each and every dialogue.  
For the first time Sam would be able to not be the little Brother Dean wanted to protect, needed to protect.  
He could be the one Dean could, would lean on, and even if it would be only for a short time it would mean every thing, Sam hoped, taking another hand full of popcorn, and focusing back on the movie he was seeing for the fifth time by now.

\-------------

Sam had watched as his Brother had fallen asleep at some point during the movie night.  
He had taken the bowl away and put a blanket over the relaxed, slightly snoring older one.  
And he was watching now. There was something appealing to this picture. Maybe Castiel had realized that for a long time, for what other reason would he insist on watching over Dean.  
There was something else that hit Sam suddenly.  
Dean did never, ever sleep in first when they were sharing a room.  
It was always him getting knocked out first.  
Sam shook his head thinking about how deeply John had imprinted that command to keep every one around safe and alive.  
How long Dean was carrying this and how much he had sacrificed for it.  
It was just a small gesture but Sam caught himself gently touching the older ones forehead and caressing the stubbled hair.  
Life wasn’t fair, it wasn’t for both of them.

“Casss…..” Dean mumbled and turned his Head, peacefully sleeping on.  
Of course, Sam thought, his Brother was asking for the Angel, the one who didn’t meant a burden to him like he was.

# ***

With the new day Sam had some ideas how he could lift his Brothers mood for some days.  
There was nothing big on the horizon right now and the small cases he had found over night had already been transferred to some other Hunters who could do the part as well.

After the last Experiences and Revelations, Sam really wanted to know how far he could go, impersonating as Castiel and what more he would see from a relaxed and talkative, childish Dean.  
But before that, Sam managed for three hours of sleep for himself before his watch was ripping him out of his dreams.  
He definitely wanted to try a bit poking on his Brother but first he felt like another Shower and some more testing his momentarily Body.  
It did feel a bit like being a Teen again, the same excitement of something new that was offered to him as a grown man and Sam did not intend to miss that opportunity.

\----

It was still foreign to feel the Angels Hands on the pale skin that wasn’t as white as Sam had it in mind.  
The Angel was surprisingly lean build Sam had realized but his legs were strangely strong. He had way more ass than Sam himself but that wasn’t a surprise, he had quite slender hips, something he sometimes felt a bit insecure about.  
But Cass Vessel was well proportioned and Sam found himself surprised about the pleasure he found touching the surprisingly broad chest, muscled arms and shoulders.  
He had not realised it before but their Angel was almost at his Brothers weight.  
Sam chuckled at the idea that Castiel was emulating Dean.  
But after what he had learned over the last day it was a possibility…  
He considered asking Cass at some point.

# ***

Dean was still snoring peacefully in his two chairs at the library. He would be sore after waking Sam knew but didn’t mind.  
He cleared his throat but remembered that it wouldn’t be the right way to greet his Brother.  
And so he tried again.

“Dean…” Sam was still not used to the strange deep rasp Castiels voice could become and he more or less growled his Brothers name in order to wake him up.  
But instead of jumping up and getting the threat, Dean did something unexpected once again. Somehow showing that it wasn’t the first time Cass had been in his room to get him out of bed.  
Dean started complaining while he turned in his restricted position.  
“Get …lost Cass…” The Hunter growled back.  
“….is…to early…”  
Sam couldn’t avoid smiling at the uncoordinated wave of his brother’s hand in order to wave the Angel off.

Sam got closer just to try.  
“…Dean.”  
And again, there was another new reaction the younger hadn’t expected from his Brother.  
Deans tone got softer although he still didn’t opened his eyes, but he also didn’t try to get rid of the distraction that close to his face where Sam was sure his Brother could feel the breath on his cheek.

“…Cass… not today…” It was all Dean had to say about and it left Sam a bit stunned.  
It created some strange imaginations in his head he had so many questions about…

# ***

Over the day Sam started to become more and more secure in his role and with every positive reaction and the way Dean was roaming close to him naturally, the younger grow more confident. With each confused looked of his older Brother, with every gentle and amused smile Sam felt accepted and welcomed back, in a way he had missed over the last years.  
At some point the dark haired almost forgot that he was not the little Brother at the moment but the Angel that had saved Dean from Hell as he couldn’t.  
And of course, Dean was frowning suspiciously, and on more than one occasion, at the unusual stubborn and very forward actions of his normally well behaved Angel.  
Never the less, whenever Sam was looking back with his current blue eyes, staring deadpan like Castiel would do, Dean simply let go, not complaining at all.  
Sam wished that he would have that kind of ability towards his Brother and he was wondering about the Angels power once again.

At some point Sam wanted, needed to risk something more, it had become a game he got a lot of fun out of it.  
Dean didn’t like Castiel initiating physical contact, for some reason it had the badass Hunter vulnerable and insecure. But on the other hand he didn’t mind doing it on his own.  
He was touching Sam, well Cass constantly and always in a lingering gesture.  
A hand resting on the Angels shoulder, a reach for the blue eyeds arm to follow, some nudges to get his attention and now and then Dean was even leaning on Cass.  
It was subtle but since it was something Sam was yearning for daily by himself, that Dean would allow him to become his rock to lean on, he realized it immediately.  
It was fleeting and the moment Sam showed any reaction to return or accept the weight, Dean was gone.  
It felt like hunting a frightened Deer and it was so different from what Sam knew about his Brother, from what he had learned from and about the older dark blond.

Sam was slowly emerging his sibling, and it had Dean in alarm right away.  
Again he was watching the Angel with a questioningly lifted brow as the blue eyed got even closer, ignoring Deans clear warning to stop this bullshit.  
But Sam loved the way he could get his Brother nervous just by acting against his command. It was something he couldn’t see often. Dean didn’t lose control that easy and if he was close to losing it, he normally got aggressive, even towards Sam.  
But it was different with Castiel, the younger one was learning today.  
It wasn’t that Dean was more patient around the Angel, it wasn’t that he was giving the blue eyed more space to explore and experience.

Suddenly Sam understood as Dean froze on the spot, only his head and upper body moving back as much as possible.  
It was surprising and impressive to see that it wasn’t Deans decision to react that way.  
With wide eyes Sam viewed how his unbreakable, his unashamed Brother turned, avoiding the Angels eyes and finally looked away and down in a completely devoted gesture.  
Sam could hear his heart drumming in his ears, his blood was rushing and for a second the younger ones view blurred at the sight right in front of him.

Dean couldn’t take Castiel over, he simply couldn’t. And instead of his usual aggressive fighting or complaining or domination attitude Sam watched how his strong Brother submitted to a Celestial Being that had fallen for him.  
Stared in disbelieve and awe as he lowered down further and kissed the accidentally presented neck…

A wave of bright light broke over Sam as he felt the warm, soft skin on the foreign lips and the shudder beneath.

He had often witnessed when Dean had stepped back the few times Cass had scolded him for some of his reckless actions, and more often than not, the older Winchester had not talked back or gotten into defence mode right away, instead he really had thought about and sometimes even tried to apologize.  
Sam had seen his brother reacting only by the looks Castiel had given him. Slowly all the pieces were falling into place for Sam.  
He could guide his Brother by wordless command, by subtle moves and even with his eyes alone.

And it was something Dean did with the Angel too, to some degree but Cass, even though not aware of it or willing to use it, Cass actually had the ability to lead Dean in any direction he wanted.  
It was slightly disturbing and alarming to realise how much power the Angel could hold over Dean.  
But at the same time, Sam could not remember one incident in which Castiel had actually used this language/communication of theirs to harm the dark blond.  
And that was telling a lot about the Celestial…right away.

Sam was lost in his thoughts and sensations, a mix of pride, happiness, fear and love towards his Brother and their Angel was flooding him all over.  
He didn’t even realized that he was still holding Dean in place just by his close presence and Castiels lips still lingering on the Hunters neck.

# ***

It had escalated fast from there on.  
Sam wasn’t sure when and how they had ended up in Dean’s room. A place he had never really taken much time in.

The kiss had been less awkward than Sam had thought it would be.  
And actually it had been Dean who had initiated the real one.  
It had caught Sam by surprise but it had not stopped the younger one from stepping in eagerly.

It had been another of so many confusing revelations as they had melted together, their lips and tongues grabbing for the other one in desperation.  
Sam had shivered as he had touched his Brother for the first time in this way, as he had heard him moan at the Angels actions.  
And Sam wanted so much more…  
He pulled Dean closer grabbing his ass forcefully with the Angels hands.  
And *Holly SHIT!* Sam thought as he felt Dean clawing to his, to Castiels back of the neck.

Sam felt himself lifting his Brother up, easily dragging, carrying him while eating every surprised gasped and drinking the arousal Dean wasn’t holding back the slightest bit.  
God damned his Brother was a Bitch, at least with or for the Angel…, Sam thought in surprise and awe, watching as Dean closed his eyes. The dark blonds face already flushed and his lips parted. 

They already rocked forcefully together and even though it was odd to feel all of it to Castiels Body, Sam couldn’t hold back, didn’t wanted to. Seeing, feeling the seemingly unbreakable big brother falling apart, for once not in control and restrained was to tempting to let it go.  
Fuck he wanted to break this stubborn asshole Dean could and had been for Sam.

“CAHss..” Dean moaned and Sam grabbed his Brothers strubbled hair, pulling his head deep in the back in a sudden rage of jealousy before he bite down at the older Hunters neck.  
Once more Sam was surprised how easy his Brother allowed it, not even hesitating at the Angel manhandling him…  
God Cass would never ever understand what he was missing, what he could have had for Years now…

Sam kissed the bend back chin, moving up to the still parted lips of his life long caretaker…before he started nipping and biting, kissing in a more gentle way, savouring each and every sound that was coming from his Brother in waves of desperate need and want…

That wasn’t the Dean Sam knew, it was a fragile one a vulnerable one, one who was showing all of himself, not hiding it from the man Sam was right now…, from Cass…  
It was a sad moment to realize that, but it didn’t stopped Sam either…  
He wanted that, wanted to be the one Dean was holding onto, the one that was giving something to him, something else than pain and fear or worry…or burden…  
Dean gasped into the deepening kiss, tightly holding to the Angels frame and already grinding his hips at the building bulge in Castiels pants.  
God, Sam wanted that so bad…

\----

“Take it off…!” Sam heard the Angel say, knowing that it was his command…  
And once more he was astounded at Dean’s fast reply…  
Without questioning it, without hesitation the dark blond indeed took of his flannel and the T-Shirt right away, not once breaking contact to the blue eyed he didn’t want to loose, under no circumstances, the one he needed so much in his life and was only now, slowly beginning to understand…

The last day(s) had been a constant tease, constant irritation and tempting…, Dean was confused himself that he was giving in so easily to the awkward, dorky guy that was an Angel and basically a Monster…  
This last thought left a tingly feeling in the Hunters guts and a wave of shiver running down his back…

Damn was he twisted…

Sam saw the sudden change in his Brothers look. He had seen it so often, every time Dean was over thinking something, starting to got rational and lost in self-doubt again.  
Every time that happened Sam could only have watched, no tool at hand to prevent that from happening, but not this time…  
The Angel stepped forward, forcefully grabbing tighter around the dark blond body he was holding while he was pulling him in like he was nothing walking them to the bed.  
In a breathtaking, smooth move, Sam was back on his Brothers lips, taking them desperately, even colliding their teeth in his sudden and deep plundering.  
He could feel Dean tense in surprise for a brief second and than how this budge body melted again in the Angels affectionate attention and leading…

“CAssss….” Dean moaned in desperation, at another contact off their crotches…  
He had started pulling at the strange cloth, the Angel was wearing and which were in the way all of a sudden…  
“deaann….” Sam only could answer breathlessly as he finally smashed Dean down on the mattress, evenly aroused and completely lost in that strange situation and moment.

It was so easy to push Dean on his back, pinning him on the bed and holding him in place…

Sam looked down through the Angels eyes. He was scanning the Body beneath, gently caressing his Brothers cheek.  
Watching how Dean gulped at the look and touch, but didn’t moved anyway, left a tremendous feeling of power, Sam drowned in it for just a moment before the Angels hands started roaming the unprotected Hunters chest, his sides and down to his jeans…  
Deans breath hitched at the touch and Sam smiled at that innocent, surprised reaction.

He had never touched his Brother like that, even though he did knew every part of that man with blind eyes…  
Too many hunts together, too many injuries to count and a life in the limitation of a Car, had that effect…  
But never had it be like that…

Sam leaned down, kissing Deans chest while still caressing the older siblings sides…  
He was tasting Dean, every part he could reach now and Sam closed his eyes to fully get the Sensation of having what was forbidden for him for so long.

He did not hesitate to open the fly and zipper to touch his Brothers most private part…  
With deep satisfaction Sam realized as Dean’s breath hitched again and as his head fell back in a surrendering posture.  
Dean bit to his hand, ashamed and embarrassed he was trying to hide any sound but Sam wanted to hear his brother, wanted to listen to the song while this strong man was falling apart from his hands and lips, …well Castiels…

It is the first touch of skin as the soft, gentle hand is sliding beneath the older Hunters short, that has Sam breathing in deeply.  
It is so foreign what he is doing to Dean, to himself and still it is so familiar that it is a surreal moment that stops the time…

“cass…?” Dean more or les whispers, a gorgeous sign of insecurity in this deep voice Sam had listened to all over his life in so many ongoing teachings.  
Now it wasn’t more than a weak whimpered beg and Sam was floating in it…  
“Shh…I’ve got you…” He whispered back, closely leaning in and kissing his Brothers cheek.

It was that exact instant that broke the spell…  
The moment Dean’s view changed all of a sudden…  
And right away Sam did felt a painful dull thud against his Chest that had him pushed back, right before he is wrestled down to the ground and only seconds before Dean is on him, pointing his gun right between the widened blue eyes.

Dean is sitting on Castiels chest, his thighs clenching the dark haireds throat and he is angrily staring, frowning down at who ever this man beneath is…

Immediately the Angel had lifted his hands in defence…  
“WOW Wow….stop it’s ok…”  
“THERE IS NOTHING OK!!!” Dean snapped back…  
“WHAT….WHO ARE YOU!?”  
“Wait!! Wait Dean!!!”  
“Its me..me…! Iam SAM!”

There is a terrified, panicked look on Deans face and a sec of hesitation before he throws a god damn punch and knocks his Brother out...

End part 01  
___________________________________________________________________________


	2. In Control and completely without it… 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONE!!!!! *finally one that can be put aside....* ^^! *and yes i know it is my own fault for starting constantly something new....*  
> However as usual: NOOOO BETA, NOOOOO NAtive.....
> 
> And although it got a lot more blah blah than expected, i still hope you have fun.  
> *wave*  
> (A BIG LOUD SHOUT OUT TO 'mary'! Her comment had literally reminded me that there was still one chapter missing. THANK YOU!!!! ^^) )

In Control and completely without it… 02 SPN FF

Sam sat on the library chair, Castiels frame slumped together while he was holding a pack of iced beans to his swelling eye. Even though in an Angels Vessels he obviously was not immune to pain and bruises like this. Another thing the younger Winchester had learned now.

Dean was seated a bit away and still staring, still gnawing his teeth and still pissed to the core…trying to get it together, to figure what had happened….

“Are you ok?”  
Sam finally tried subdued after they had sat just there, none of them saying anything, none of them talking.  
Dean growled…and Sam – Castiel - lowered his view again.

“NO man! Hell! I am NOT! What is wrong with you!???” Dean was really in rage, but even though Sam knew he had fucked that up, he was not willing to take the blame all to himself…  
He hadn’t been the only one hiding something, obviously…

Sam was frustrated and he was… among other things, still in pain. Damn Dean had hit him hard this time.  
Obviously his Brother meant business and part of Sam could understand it, the part that wasn’t hurt and angry and confused himself.

“WHat was you thinking??? Hell, were you EVEN THINKING?” Dean finally opened the conversation again but he was not willing to discuss or argue, he didn’t wanted an apology not now at least…  
Sam could hear that in his Brothers voice.  
Whenever he was angry, really angry he got that deep undertone that had Sam alarmed every time.  
“What is WROng with you!!!” Dean snapped in anger…  
“YOU COULD BE IN Danger!! You could be….i Don’t know!! BOTh of YOu could be in danger!!!” The dark blond went on and he was just getting busy…  
“HELL IS Cass ok WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS Your Body?! HAVE YOU EVEN CONsidered anything of that!!!??”  
Dean was rubbing down his face, a gesture of anger in a complete and utter frustrating Situation that was slightly overwhelming the older Hunter.  
And he hadn’t even gotten to the part where it really got uncomfortable…

Dean was still trying to make any sense out of the unforgivable tricking his Brother had done to him, to Castiel… For a short moment he was even considering that both of the other men had been in it together but that was nothing he believed the Angel would have agreed on.  
Dean had started walking the library at some point and with every Question he didn’t wanted an answer to, he got more and more pissed at the whole thing…

Sam had started tapping on the wooden table and the more his Brother was pacing and arguing the more restless Sam become himself.  
But Dean went on and on and on till finally Sam had enough of all the accusations, especially as his sibling started to become personal and mean…  
And Dean was good at that. He could hit right at the painful points and whenever cornered, the older Hunter did exactly that…

It started with questioning Sam’s sanity, his judgment, his ability to make right decisions and finally Dean started questioning if Sam still had some after Effects from his Time without Soul or in Hell and even worse, Dean started to line up each and every mistake Sam had made in his life.  
Every time he had failed at some point, every time he had walked into a wrong direction no matter he meant good at that time…  
Dean could be an asshole when being pushed and with no mercy he was now getting for his younger Brother.

The Winchesters had been physical often in their life, even against each other. But more often and even more painful were the moments they had blamed each other for the lost battles, for loosing friends and family…  
And it was exactly what Dean was doing now…

It took some time but finally Sam had enough. He got up and crashed into the spacing Brother, knocking off his heels and hitting him onto the ground pushing the air out of the elder Hunters lungs.  
Castiels Eyes were glistening from tears that hadn’t fallen yet…

“YOU GOD DAMN BASTARD!!! YOU ASSHOLE!!!” “EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! WHAT ELSE Should I do??!! WHaT do you WANT From ME??!”  
Sam was desperate and he was hurt and sad and lost as he thightened Castiels hands around his Brothers throat…, and once again Dean wasn’t fighting back, only staring at the Angels face.  
And this somehow placid, empty look, it creeped Sam out and he shrugged back, stumbling off in a hasty move.

Sam only stopped as he felt Castiels back bumping against one of the chairs.  
Dean only slowly got up and once more the Brothers sat in silence…, both of them on the ground and not looking up.

“You lock me out…” Sam mastered in a small Castiel voice.  
“You always (try) to do that…” He was more talking to himself than anyone else but still…  
“You never allow me to decide, you make the decision and I have to deal with it when done…”  
Sam mused.  
“That is not fair…”  
“And since you have Cass,….” Now the younger one looked up, the blue eyes focused on his Brother.  
“…there is no space for me anymore.” Sam sighed.  
“You can say what you want, you like him being around more than me. I am a burden, he is your salvation…” Sam sadly shook his head.  
“…I am tired of that… Tired.” Sam finished and slowly got up.

“There is nothing with Cass Damn it!” Dean stated seriously. He frowned and worriedly eyed the Angel that was his Brother.

“Yeah, sure…” Sam huffed out sarcastically, underlined by their Angels deep voice.  
Today’s Reality was overwhelming for Dean.  
To have Cass or Sam or any of them or both being this offended by everything he was saying was unusual and having them sassing back was even worse.  
All of it wasn’t something Dean was prepared to handle.  
He was still struggling to keep track in mind that he was talking to Sam and not Cass right now…

“No….! I get it, Dean! There is nothing between you and Cass… Than maybe now I am Equal!!”  
Sam got up completely and was about to finally leave for good.  
It was so surreal to see the younger Hunter moving in their Angels Vessel and looking a like when it was definitely Sam speaking.

Dean stared, it was simply all he could do while watching Sam boiling within, his anger, some Dean had never seen before, running the younger ones Body and mind even though looking like Cass, it was obvious.

But something about the angry not Cass hit the older Hunter.  
It was a weird moment of clarity that the older Winchester didn’t like. It often shook his world view and made it difficult for him to return to the Structure he needed to move on, in all of those nightmares they were living in.

“…Are you…jealous…?”  
Dean suddenly threw in, still staring after Sam walking away.  
God he hated those kinds of conversations…

# ***

“you…you ok?” Dean questioned subdued not able to look at the Sam, especially not in his current Features.

They had been talked, a lot, they had fought, a lot, both Winchesters equally pissed and angry at different points.  
Now both of the Hunters were tired, exhausted and worn out.  
It had been a Storm of emotions, something none of the Brothers was well at handling it.  
And damn there had been a lot beneath the surface.  
Sam had pointed out during the end of it that Dean would had never talked to him like this if he wouldn’t be looking and sounding like Castiel right now.  
Dean had wanted to argue but thought better of it, simply staying silent.  
He could agree on the fact that he was different around the Angel, and hell they had made out just a few hours before… Even the dark blond couldn’t deny that, and damn he had tried…

“Sam i… It is just…., you are my little Brother, I can’t change that…” Dean mentioned, again subdued and apologetic.  
“It is just…my job to look after you…”  
Sam huffed at the job comment. It was exactly the problem, at some point he had become a job for Dean and therefore a burden of so many the older Hunter was carrying around.  
“But…” Dean went on. “…I never meant for you…to fell like that, hell I hate to talk about this…” The dark blond scratched his neck.  
“Hell I…, you are the most important person in my life. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you…!”  
Sam rolled his eyes unseen and still hurt.  
“But Sammy you…, Damn IT!!!”  
“You deserve so much better…! This isn’t the life you should have… I mean if anyone than you…” Dean started rumbling to himself, slowly getting lost in the typical headspace that left him making all the decision on his own again.  
And that got Sam mad once again.

Since it was Castiels deep voice that angrily sounded over as the younger One answered in frustration that they were still running in circles…

“WHAT ID DO AND what not I DESERVE, is not of your CONCErn! YOU Can hope for, but it is not your decision!!!” “AND I GET TIRED OF YOU SELLING IT AS If you do it for me!!!!”  
Sam stated angrily for his Brother to finally understand that he wasn’t calling all of the shots in Sam’s life…  
That this was the whole Problem…Making decisions without Sam and leaving the younger one only either to follow or to hide his doing… 

“DAMN I don’t have a problem with you watching over me!! I got a PROBLEM with you making decision for me!!!” “Don’t you still not get it!!! I am a Hunter, I am a good one hell I might be even better than you! I CHOSE THIS LIFE and I am sorry that you didn’t, but I am not you! And for damn sure I am not dad.”  
“Dean I tried walking off, I tried it differently and it doesn’t matter what you want me to have or to live like! This IS OUR LIFE, DEAN OUR!!!!”  
“I wish for you to be rich and married and with a bunch of kids and the damn white picked fences Daydream, but it isn’t and I can handle that! STOP trying to build me a life that I don’t really want or CARE ABOut!!! ESPeCially not by paying for it with your LIFE!”  
”I ONLY NEED you god damn it! And I hate TO LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR THAT YOU WILL JUMP DOWN THE CLIFF, chanting that it would be FOR ME!!!”  
“Dean WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER OR NOT AT ALL!!!”

Finally there were tears running down the Angels face and Dean starred at it with widened, panicked green eyes…  
In theory he understand every word the Angel – Sam – just had said but Dean simply couldn’t let go of what he was trained and raised into.  
Sam was the one and only who did not deserved to be in this life, he had been to so much over the years he only wanted to have him safe and happy.  
In all of his life there had never been space for Dean to think about his Worthy and Sam might be the only one caring about it and it was difficult for the dark blond.  
He couldn’t see himself in the Way his Brother did and it was painful to see that Sam got hurt by Dean’s actions against himself as well.

There once more was a pause following before Sam started again.  
“So…yeah, I am jealous… When ever you are with Cass, you are you, you start to act like the big Brother I knew, the one I have looked up at, the one I felt safe around even though he could be and asshole…”  
Dean smiled at that.  
“There was a time when we were in this life together even though I was your younger sibling… A time, were you have not sidelined me that much. Although our differences at that time had been much much bigger…”

“You were a noise kid… Always questioning anything and everyone…”  
Dean stated in a mild, gentle voice, obviously lost in some memory.  
“And even than you had allowed me close when ever I needed it…” Sam finished.

Dean was staring in that deep blue of their Angel, it was weird to see this lost expression in their Alleys face.  
It hurt, and even more though knowing that it were Sam’s feeling that were showing that obvious and unfiltered right now.

It did something to the older Hunter that had him in complete panic as he somehow started moving on his own.  
As he reached out for the Angel, his Brother and waved him over.  
But Sam was to hurt, he shook his head and looked away, not in an aggressive matter but to shaken to walk over that easily.  
It was Dean who sighed and got up in the end making the way to the other man.  
He slumped down next to Castiel, simply giving closeness for the moment.

They had hurt each other deeply over the last few hours…  
They had ripped open some of the wounds that barely had started to heal if even…  
Still, there was no way Dean would ever leave this annoying Brother of his and also not the Angel he was right now…  
But there was something else he definitely needed to know, had to although he couldn’t say it.  
So Dean the two Hunters sat beside each other for a long time, none of them saying anything…

\-------------

“Do you…love Castiel?” The Angel, Sam, suddenly asked into the silence.  
And he had to admit it made him happy to feel Dean shrug at the words.  
“NO!...” Dean was fast to answer.  
“not…like that…it’s…” He added more subdued. The older Hunter couldn’t explain and Sam smiled amused.  
His brother often was walking lines and in the grey zones of Emotions.  
Sam believed that Dean wasn’t affectionated to Cass like THIS…, what ever ‘like This’ was meant to be.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Sam stated casual.  
This time Dean frowned, looking at the younger one.  
“Thought you were jealous?” He questioned.  
Once again Sam smiled mysteriously.  
“Not…like THIS.” He stated in a teasing manner that left Dean to frown even deeper.  
“You’ve kissed him.” Sam went on.

“Accident… SHUT UP!”  
Dean was growling now, not really angry, more ashamed and Sam chuckled in the Angels deep rumble.

“you…kissed back.” Dean suddenly mentioned matter of fact.  
This time it was Sam who blushed and shrugged.  
Indeed he had, and he had as himself not as Cass.

\-------------

The kiss was chaste and it was awkward to do it with the Angels Vessel as a weird buffer between them.  
It was a barrier, giving each of the Hunters the justification that was needed in order to not face the whole truth.  
Not yet…

# ***

It hadn’t taken long for the two Hunters to adjust to that newly developed Situation and they had done so surprisingly easy, either of them getting real pleasure out of it.  
Although Dean had struggled now and then right at the most intense times, realising that he was actually giving in to his Brother and not the Angel.  
But with the unspoken power Cass seemed to have over the older one, Sam had easily managed to distract Dean and getting him back on track.

Sometimes in the morning, facing the sleeping Castiel next to him Dean had wondered.  
Maybe Sam was right, he was weak around the Angel in the most terrible way.  
He had found himself touching the familiar but unknown Vessel in wonder and confusion when ever he got the opportunity that would not have Sam smiling back at him.  
There was something about that habit that had Dean feeling slightly guilty.  
And for damn sure it was probably part of the reason he was allowing himself to take this embarrassing, vulnerable Bottom Position and actually enjoy it.  
Dean shuddered at that thoughts, it was strange for him to know that he was close to Sam like this. He had tried to see his Brother as an equal, he really had. But still there always were those images of the small child he had hold close whenever anything threatening was happening. And in their life, there always had been something like that.  
Dean smiled subdued, watching the sleeping Angel.  
Sam would always be his Sammy, the vulnerable treasure he wanted, needed to protect under any circumstances. And even though it would hurt the younger one more than anything, and Dean understood that now, he still would throw his own life away within a blink if it would ease Sam’s by any meaning.  
He felt sorry about that but it was who he had become and it was something Dean was proud of.

But at least…, Dean was smiling at it, he knew now he was able to give his Brother something else as well.  
A bit comfort without paying for it, well not that much…  
It had been a surprise to experience the more dominant way his Brother seemed to enjoy his sexual activities.  
Although Dean had his bits and pieces while sharing Motel rooms and places, and also he knew about some of his Brothers ways on the hunts, it was never the same like having it directly, REALLY DIRECTLY…  
Dean blushed and shuddered again.  
God be damned he would never be able to look at the giant of his Brother without having those images popping up in his head.

It was so strange, when he was closing his eyes Dean was seeing his Brother bobbing down between his thighs, folding him into half and thrusting in while leaning over.  
But if he would open his eyes there would be Cass, gentle but deadpan Cass touching him, holding him in place and scratching his sides.  
Dean knew he was screwed in any possible way, if this wasn’t paying officially for a place in hell, nothing else would…, well not much would. The Hunter corrected himself.

# ***

It was something amusing to figure out what would have Cass going, Sam thought as he pinched the vessels bulged bud once again, while he was holding down the build back of his Brother.  
Something about that seemed to peak the pleasure not only in the Angel’s vessel but also Sam’s own deep desire of having control for himself.  
And that Dean was deeply moaning at the handling was a great plus.  
And damn his Brother could make sounds when letting go that have Sam turned red just listening to it.  
The younger Winchester was wondering how it would feel to have to listen those sounds when being hold down himself, his brothers heated breath next to his ear, giving away the older ones arousal and want.  
How it would feel like to have his legs spread by those calloused hands.  
Sam’s, Castiels length twitched at these thoughts…  
“Deeeannn….”  
Sam moaned desperately at his own ideas.  
And once again it was obviously something that had the Vessel going too.  
It was doubling down immediately on the younger Winchester. Yesssss he wanted to see Dean fucking their ally, he thought, thrusting in in an elegant smooth move, burying Castiels nicely build cock, almost completely in at once.  
Dean was grunting and holding tightly to the sheets while he was rocked forward at the sudden and intense impaling.

Sam had never been really the gently type if not needed, an inner need of domination, given to the younger Hunter maybe even before birth, had him like that.  
It was awesome to let it go that far with someone able to take it.  
Sam at first had been so nervous about hurting his Brother, especially holding to their Angel’s Vessel but Dean could take it, had proven that over and over within the last days.

It somehow made sense in a very twisted way. But that was what Dean had been trained to be, had been raised to be, obedient, trust worthy and strong, at least physically.  
Sam had seen his Brother been thrown around, kicked, punched, shot and cut, and most of the times the older one had simply get up and moved on.  
Sam smiled at that images thrusting in more fiercely and listening to the gasps and grunts escaping the man beneath every time he slammed at those bubble bud cheek he was grabbing and kneading now while pulling Dean back and closer in his staccato rhythm.  
Something else Sam had figured over the last days.  
Castiels vessel might was weak by angel standards but damn was this little guy filled with energy and power.  
It was running in every vein and muscle and Sam took full advantage out of it…  
He loved making Dean scream or begging in exhaustion and to overwhelmed to form coherent words any more.

Sam liked that Dean side, he loved this broken piece of the ever strong and seemingly immovable big Brother.  
He loved it…, knowing that it wasn’t a personality he would get to see as Sam no matter what…  
But for Cass his beloved Caretaker could be like that, giving in, giving up and handing himself over, completely and without any restrictions…  
It was beauty in it self.  
And Sam wanted to praise it every time he was honoured to have it, to see it, to be allowed close by like this.

Deans Breath got choppy, even hitched now and than at the deep thrust hitting his inner walls.  
Sam was drinking every whimper he got in response as he was desperately holding to the man who basically, literally had raised him, the one who had never let him go, the one he was chained to in good and worse matters…

And that did it…  
Once more Sam, using their Angels body, was marking his Brother by taking him, holding him in place at his last drops spilled out deeply within the other man.

# ***

They had not left the bunker since they had figured out that strange connection between them and for obvious reasons.  
Now Sam was watching how Dean was pacing the restlessly passing him every few minutes walking his rounds.

It was obvious that he was in thoughts, trying to sort something in his mind, something that seemed to weight heavily on him.  
“Dean…” Sam mentioned after a few hours of that ongoing annoyance. He was once again using the tone Castiel had only for the Brothers to pay attention. By now the younger Hunter had quite good developed the attitudes and tones, not so much mimics that would have Dean turning one way or the other.  
Sam actually had to hold back not to have Dean acting as if on strings.  
It was just so easy in his current form.  
However this time he did it to get to know what had his Brother that edgy, and he did it out of worry, and because now he could do something more than just watch and wait for Dean to find a solution on his own.  
With Castiels face and voice Sam could offer support and even help that his Brother was accepting to take.  
He would miss that power when being back…

“I need a drink…” Dean finally stated after he had looked at the waiting Angel for some moments.  
It was a statement that was including for Castiel to join him at this.  
Sam didn’t mind and followed, just like the Angel would have done, had actually, so many times.

\-------------

The bar was out of Lebanon, far out actually and it was crowded and loud, a perfect place to get lost among the people, to not draw any unwanted attention.  
Dean was holding to his beer, the first one he had ordered and it was still not empty although they were here for two hours now.  
The dark blond was staring at Castiel, carefully, deeply scanning the Angels features but not saying anything and Sam didn’t either.  
He was not sure what was going on behind his Brothers eyes but somehow it was not completely including him, he thought.

The way Dean was starring at him, well Cass, was giving away that the other Hunter was searching for a solution of an Angel related problem and Sam simply posed as the Surrogate he currently was.

“We need a Room…” Dean finally mentioned, taking a gulp and looking away from the blue he had hold to till now.  
Sam did not say anything and waited for the other one to make the first move.

# ***

The Motel room door was barely closed as Dean initiated the first gently, slow kiss.  
There was something in his actions and movements that had Sam hold back, not taking the leading role this time…  
Dean was obviously trying to figure something out, something that seemed important, at least for the dark blond and Sam played his role.

Dean had called him Cass the whole time he had giving the word to the blue eyed at the bar, it didn’t needed much to understand that something was going on.

The kiss was feathery, soft like air and it didn’t get deeper. It was a mere touch of the lips, a begging gesture, important but a secret for Sam.

“I…I need to…” Dean wanted to explain his thoughts, wanted to give an explanation he hadn’t the words for.  
But Sam stopped him, gently resting his, the Angels hand on the Hunters arm without saying anything.  
It was a gesture he thought Castiel would have used in that kind of situation even though eh couldn’t be sure.  
It did the part never the less.

# ***

Dean wasn’t sure if he would be able to do that, to overcome his inner obedience towards the angel.  
But he had figured he needed to use the current chance.  
Sam had mentioned that it would be some days till Cass would manage to correct the current situation. It was a vague information that had held a lot open considerations.  
But Dean was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to do what he needed to do the moment the Celestial would be back in place, back in his Vessel and back to being himself.

With insecure green eyes he looked down at the calm Angel laying on his back, beneath him, unmoved and awaiting the Humans next move…

\-------------

Even though Sam was the one more in a religious awe about the Heavenly Creature while Dean was less impressed about that, it was Dean who couldn’t get over that sin he was feeling for having an Angel fallen, in any definition of these words…

Cass loved him, had said so often enough even though he obviously did not understand the full meaning of these words in the same way humans or the Winchesters did.

Still, he had told Dean that he wasn’t regretting that he had decided this way.  
But Dean had seen the Angel being lonely, had seen him irritated and lost and due to his own weakness he had pushed him away instead of giving him some hold…  
He felt guilty and he had too…

But if he ever wanted to be able to care for the Angel as much as he did for Sam, he would need to overcome this restriction he was feeling because of the way he had corrupted Castiel who had been lost the moment he had touched him in hell.  
The Angels had told the Hunter that directly, leaving no doubt of the human’s sin/guild about losing a Brother of their own…

Dean’s fingers were gently following the Angels frame, he never looked away from this deep blue that had captured the first time this Creature had seen him through within the blink of an eye. The first one who had named the shame Dean was carrying all of his life.  
Castiel had not really asked him that day, he had stated a fact as he had thrown those words at the Human hunter. As he had stared at him, in confusion just like now, and had stated that Dean was feeling unworthy of being saved.

This feeling had not changed since than, if ever, it had become even stronger over the years of loss, the years of constant battle and fruitless fights…  
He was still the man who was thinking this way.  
Still the man throwing himself to the grinder in order to protect, to save others, any other…  
But it was Castiel who had seen it first, had named it that night at the barn and Dean had been lost that exact same moment.  
He had been seen though is weak, pathetic, pitiful self, but instead of leaving him right away, Castiel had stayed, he had joined him had even given up all of himself for this empty shell of a man…  
Dean smiled sadly as a tear run down his cheek and while he was still gently caressing the Angels face.  
He felt sad for Cass who had lost as much as them, maybe even more, Dean was never sure…

“dean…?” Sam was confused and worried at his Brothers strange behaviour. Was he regretting something, was he breaking after what had happened to them, after what they had done…?  
But the older one just smiled and leaned down to kiss the Angel once more, gently, careful and full of emotions that had Sam breathing in deeply at the overwhelming warmth of that stupid slow kiss…

\-------------

The whole thing was strange, Sam felt like he was loosing ground. The gentle touches the worshipping of any part of his, Castiels Body, was overwhelming, mind loosing, agonisingly desperate and deep.  
His Brothers fingers were burning on the Angels skin whenever they connected and Sam was wondering in his last clear thoughts if this was him or the Angels Vessel reacting like being on fire, a warming, not a consuming one.

Dean was holding Castiel up, kissing the Angels back and neck and shoulders, his rough hands already caressing the strong, spread inner thighs.  
Sam leaned into these touches, the Chest of his Brother in his back and the fingers, lazily playing with the building dick and soft balls…

\-------------

It took time, and Sam loved every second of it, Dean had no intention in building up some fast arousal. Hell if someone would have asked Sam, he would have told them that there probably wasn’t anything orgasmic planed at some point…  
He would have been wrong though, but it would have shown the way this was going.

It was touches, it was kisses, tongue and physically connection that never stopped, it was worshipping it was praising, talking without words…  
Sam had never experienced that.  
It seemed as if all the years he had missed were giving back right now, in this moment…, and it hurt to know that Dean was giving it to Cass.  
Still Sam went with it, accepted it as if he was close to die of thirst and his Brother was the only source of Water…

\-------------

The first finger felt strange, not because Sam had never had that, damn he was no prudish brat even though Dean seemed to think of him like that at some times.  
No, it was because it was his Brother doing that to him.  
As much as he had loved to be in control, to be the one holding Dean and making him whimper in desperation, this, this now, was so much more…  
It had running shivers down Sam’s spine whenever he heard himself moan in Castiels deep vibrato that was echoing in the whole body of his current self. 

Sam pushed himself back eager to please, eager to get the fingers back in place, deeper, more…as he was rubbing down into the cheap fabric of this Motel Bed.

He could feel the heated Breath as Dean sat chaste kisses all over the Angels ass while he was already starting a rhythm with his hand, drinking the shudder he could feel from within as the Angels vessel was clenching, gapping at his three fingers…sucking at them like lips nipping in pleasure…

\-------------

There was a short hesitation as Dean had turned Castiel, facing him while slowly sinking in. It was hot and tight and welcoming at the same time. But to face the Angel felt difficult for the older Hunter, he had closed his eyes shortly as Cass, Sam, had reached for the Humans face his deep voice rumbling softly, begging for Dean to look at him…

\-------------

Their movement was lazy, slow, just like the whole experience, Sam was tightly holding to his Brother who was merely grinding into that pliant hole.  
The Angle and the Hunter had their forehead resting against each other, moaning subdued and locking eyes.  
Sam had never understood that habit of his Brother and their Angle before, but he thought that slowly he got an idea about it…  
Dean grinded down balls deep and put still pressure on it as if he wanted to melt them together.  
Sam moaned and threw his head back again, not loosing his hold on his Brothers neck.  
There was a moment he thought he could do it forever, just staying like that, close, save, unbreakable and definitely, obviously together…

It didn’t last long…

\-------------

Sam had felt that tingly feeling in his limbs before, he had put it aside. It was because of his overstimulated state, and the intense experience…  
As it happened again he had ignored it completely…  
But now, it was growing…, wandering from his feet to his knees, up to where Dean was currently deeply buried within, and it hurt while this tingling moved on up…

“Uhng….!” Sam grunted at the suddenly changing sensation…  
His, Cass, blue eyes widened in surprise and worry…than fear…

“…SAM?!” Dean stared down at the man beneath who suddenly started changing, there was Cass face than his brothers, and Sammy was grimacing in something Dean knew all to well.  
His Brother was in pain…  
Than it was Cass again but the Angels Vessel was fading, becoming somehow transparent and solid before it once more showed the younger Hunter…  
“SAM!?...

Dean stared in panic, realising what had his Sibling in pain right now. He started moving, wanted to get away, to give his Brother space and more important to get out of him…

“DON’T…” Sam actually yelled and forcefully grabbed for his Brothers arms. “…don’t ...you hng…dare move… ..STAY!” Sam grunted out in obvious discomfort.

“Sam?!..” Deans voice, even though deep had become a worried whimper and Sam hated that sound.  
“STAY!” He ordered again, glaring at the green eyes of the older one, and Dean hesitated in his movement. He watched with worry as Sam shook his head, begging for Dean not to make the decision to leave, to run now… There was an almost invisible nod as the dark blond stilled and stayed, supporting his upper body on his arms while looking down on the large frame that was now fully appearing in all details on the bed.

Sam’s nail dugged deeply into his Brothers thighs but the dark blond didn’t even shifted a single bit.  
He waited unmovable for his Sibling to adjust on the unexpected impaling…  
“Hng….you’re…an asshole…” Sam growled, his head falling back as he tried to relax.  
Dean smiled gently. “I am not that …bad…” He mentioned slightly offended but calm…  
Sam chuckled…and immediately shrugged at the movement of his own body…

# ***

Cass was entering the Bunker by using his leg to keep the door open while he was balancing a bunch of bags and pizzas in his hands and a tablet he was biting at right now in order not to lose it.  
Sam had borrowed it to the Angel, even thought the Winchester did not know that.

He had found what he had looked for even though it had taken some time and even though he had to fix some mistakes on the way, something the Angel had oddly enough getting used to.  
It seemed that being on earth had him in the same situation like some or all Humans. Even though trying, he was more often assigned to fail in his efforts. It was something Castiel had not experienced being in heaven.

But he had learned a great lesson about that from the Winchesters. They fall, they fought, they failed and they did it over and over again. But instead of giving up, and even though it was above their given abilities and strength, the Brothers not only went for the next programmed, possible failure, they also tried to fix the former ones…  
But most important, they got up, again and again, and again…  
It was pitiful but also encouraging to watch, and Castiel had decided he would go with the encouraging part since he was experiencing this kind of fate as well.

He also had learned that Humans did appreciated apologies for their wrong doing.  
It wasn’t something the Brothers were good at but Castiel had figured that the Hunters did it a bit differently than saying it with words…

He awkwardly put down the first fife Pizza packs by strangely bending his knees.  
Castiel was about to do the same with the other cartons as he was suddenly pulled in a bone breaking tight Bear hug that left the Angel a bit flustered and losing his hold on the tablet and a few of the bags.  
“HY Cass…!” Sam seemed so upright pleased to have the Angel back at home that it was confusing the blue eyed even more.

The younger Winchester got some of the Groceries and stuff Castiel had bought in order to show is apologies for the body mix up and because he couldn’t decide what would be the appropriate Present to do that, as he was once more pulled into a hug, more of a ‘hey buddy, good to have you back’ attitude but still…Dean was tugging him in.

Was that a thing now? Castiel was frowning in confusion, and not only at the unusual, joyful greeting but also at the fact that none of the Winchesters had looked him in the eyes…

The Angel was sure that he was missing something…, but he hoped it wouldn’t be something he would have to apologise for as well.  
They would explain, Castiel thought as he followed the Hunter Brothers into the kitchen, just like he was used to do…

 

END  
___________________________________________________________________________


End file.
